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[It's days such as these Kurt asks himself why in the hell he returned to his hometown. Lima holds nothing but heart breaking memories and humiliation, he was an idiot to believe that returning here was a good idea. He was also foolish enough to have hope that he could actually smooth things over with Blaine, mend together loose ends and get his soulmate back. Never once did he stop to think that Blaine would move on and that it would be with the once upon a time bully that had threatened Kurt's life. When Blaine had broken the news to him Kurt had gotten physically ill and he had stopped counting the nights he would spend crying instead of sleeping.
He fell back into old habits of not being able to sleep or eat. Eventually he just became numb and accepted that he truly had destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to him. It was painful to see this new Blaine but Kurt was trying his best to be both accepting and civil.
He had gotten this random message from Rachel to meet him in the choir room ASAP, she sounded pretty urgent and demanding. Little did he know this was yet another set-up by the one and only, Sue! Upon his arrival he's greeted by a very empty room but perfectly tapped on all the walls is each and every sext message Blaine and himself had sent to each other over their full dating period.
At first Kurt can do nothing but stand complete wide eyed and mouth open in shock, embarrassment. Once the shock wears off, he's quick to shut the door but not before leaving a sign that glee club has been cancelled for the day. He does NOT need anyone in this school, in this town seeing old messages of his personal life.
He has to take another moment to compose himself, eyes closing while breathing in deeply. Kurt can literally feel his body trembling as he marches towards one of the walls and begins ripping off the brightly colored paper with printed messages. ]
He fell back into old habits of not being able to sleep or eat. Eventually he just became numb and accepted that he truly had destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to him. It was painful to see this new Blaine but Kurt was trying his best to be both accepting and civil.
He had gotten this random message from Rachel to meet him in the choir room ASAP, she sounded pretty urgent and demanding. Little did he know this was yet another set-up by the one and only, Sue! Upon his arrival he's greeted by a very empty room but perfectly tapped on all the walls is each and every sext message Blaine and himself had sent to each other over their full dating period.
At first Kurt can do nothing but stand complete wide eyed and mouth open in shock, embarrassment. Once the shock wears off, he's quick to shut the door but not before leaving a sign that glee club has been cancelled for the day. He does NOT need anyone in this school, in this town seeing old messages of his personal life.
He has to take another moment to compose himself, eyes closing while breathing in deeply. Kurt can literally feel his body trembling as he marches towards one of the walls and begins ripping off the brightly colored paper with printed messages. ]
Edited 2021-03-07 15:45 (UTC)
[Sue's clearly working overtime lately.]
Sam, what's going on?
[Kurt will barely have time to process the choir room door swinging open and his ex's voice calling out before the door is already shutting behind the younger man with a careful click, Blaine stepping fully inside. Before he even notices the papers taped up all over the wall, his gaze flicks right over to Kurt, surprise blossoming across his expression, brows jumping up towards his slicked back hairline.]
Oh! Kurt? What are you doing here? [That's unexpected. Where Kurt had gotten an urgent text from Rachel, Blaine had gotten one from "Sam", a little out-of-character sounding, sure, but he'd barely given it a second thought. But here he is, right where he was asked to be, and Kurt's taken Sam's place. Strange.]
Not that you need a reason to be here, it's your choir room, but Sam asked me to meet him here so I came as fast as I could. It sounded urgent.
Sam, what's going on?
[Kurt will barely have time to process the choir room door swinging open and his ex's voice calling out before the door is already shutting behind the younger man with a careful click, Blaine stepping fully inside. Before he even notices the papers taped up all over the wall, his gaze flicks right over to Kurt, surprise blossoming across his expression, brows jumping up towards his slicked back hairline.]
Oh! Kurt? What are you doing here? [That's unexpected. Where Kurt had gotten an urgent text from Rachel, Blaine had gotten one from "Sam", a little out-of-character sounding, sure, but he'd barely given it a second thought. But here he is, right where he was asked to be, and Kurt's taken Sam's place. Strange.]
Not that you need a reason to be here, it's your choir room, but Sam asked me to meet him here so I came as fast as I could. It sounded urgent.
[When doesn't she? Does Sue not have better things to do other than humulating past students? Apparently not!
Kurt; however does have enough time to spin around in surprise at the sound of his ex's voice echoing throughout the room, bright eyes wide in shock while he freezes in place. If intimate texts messages posted around the room wasn't enough torture, now his ex-boyfriend had to be tossed into the mix? Terrific! Kurt could already feel his stomach doubling over in knots as the nausea settled in, what was left of his heart dropped to his toes.
Blaine was the very last person he wanted to see, especially after everything that has unfolded.
Just breathe, Kurt
The older boy closes his eyes in frustration, both hands tightly crumbling up papers held in both hands before marching over to a trashcan to dispose of the evidence. ]
Pretty sure it wasn't from Sam.
[His words are tight, voice a notch higher because he's celery aggrivated but he's doing that thing where he's trying to remain calm. He moves to walk past Blaine in a frizzy, hands reaching back up to rip down more colorful papers before it's right back to dumping them into the trash.]
I'm almost positive it was from Sue because I got one from "Rachel" [Please note his air quotation marks, Blaine.] Basically saying the same thing. I'm thus greeted by all of this. [He follows up by waving hands towards the walls.]
Sue took the liberty of somehow obtaining every sext message we have ever shared with each other and pasted them all over this room!
Kurt; however does have enough time to spin around in surprise at the sound of his ex's voice echoing throughout the room, bright eyes wide in shock while he freezes in place. If intimate texts messages posted around the room wasn't enough torture, now his ex-boyfriend had to be tossed into the mix? Terrific! Kurt could already feel his stomach doubling over in knots as the nausea settled in, what was left of his heart dropped to his toes.
Blaine was the very last person he wanted to see, especially after everything that has unfolded.
Just breathe, Kurt
The older boy closes his eyes in frustration, both hands tightly crumbling up papers held in both hands before marching over to a trashcan to dispose of the evidence. ]
Pretty sure it wasn't from Sam.
[His words are tight, voice a notch higher because he's celery aggrivated but he's doing that thing where he's trying to remain calm. He moves to walk past Blaine in a frizzy, hands reaching back up to rip down more colorful papers before it's right back to dumping them into the trash.]
I'm almost positive it was from Sue because I got one from "Rachel" [Please note his air quotation marks, Blaine.] Basically saying the same thing. I'm thus greeted by all of this. [He follows up by waving hands towards the walls.]
Sue took the liberty of somehow obtaining every sext message we have ever shared with each other and pasted them all over this room!
O-oh.
[That is. Quite the elaborate prank. And honestly, if it was anyone else, Blaine would be a little less quick to believe Kurt in this instance, because who in their right mind would ever do that kind of thing in real life. But knowing it's Sue who set this whole mess up?
Yeah, that totally tracks.]
What's her problem? It's like she's low-key obsessed with us or something.
[It's the 'or something' that is just a touch terrifying to Blaine when it comes to Sue.
He stays in place as Kurt brushes by, going just a little tense as the other man moves past him, but his gaze following along as Kurt rips down another assortment of brightly colored fliers from the wall. At this distance, Blaine can't exactly make out what they read, but the ferocity that Kurt tears them from the wall speaks volumes. Though nothing could truly prepare the boy for what they really were.
Even under the public school fluorescent lighting, Blaine pales, mouth dropping open in shock.]
Every one?! [Um, this is a lot to take in, Kurt. Now that he really sees them, the papers are everywhere, their love printed in bold font for anyone to see. Blaine nearly stumbles over his own shiny Oxfords in a rush to tear a few of them down.] This - Oh my god, this has to be illegal, right? She can't - I -
[That is. Quite the elaborate prank. And honestly, if it was anyone else, Blaine would be a little less quick to believe Kurt in this instance, because who in their right mind would ever do that kind of thing in real life. But knowing it's Sue who set this whole mess up?
Yeah, that totally tracks.]
What's her problem? It's like she's low-key obsessed with us or something.
[It's the 'or something' that is just a touch terrifying to Blaine when it comes to Sue.
He stays in place as Kurt brushes by, going just a little tense as the other man moves past him, but his gaze following along as Kurt rips down another assortment of brightly colored fliers from the wall. At this distance, Blaine can't exactly make out what they read, but the ferocity that Kurt tears them from the wall speaks volumes. Though nothing could truly prepare the boy for what they really were.
Even under the public school fluorescent lighting, Blaine pales, mouth dropping open in shock.]
Every one?! [Um, this is a lot to take in, Kurt. Now that he really sees them, the papers are everywhere, their love printed in bold font for anyone to see. Blaine nearly stumbles over his own shiny Oxfords in a rush to tear a few of them down.] This - Oh my god, this has to be illegal, right? She can't - I -
[Prank? Could you even call something like this a prank? There has to be some kind of law against this kind of insanity and obsession. Kurt doesn't want to think about how Sue had gotten her hands on such personal, private messages, the very idea that she has the power to possibly share them else where has Kurt feeling even sicker.
This whole display has the potential of becoming extremely damaging if the wrong person happens to lay eyes upon it. ]
I don't know, Blaine! [His voice bounces off the paper covered walls in a fit of anger. Kurt hadn't meant to yell or snap at the younger boy but this whole situation was well past ridiculous. Who in their right mind goes the extra mile to not only obtain but post someone's sexual life on full display in a high school? This was pretty damn low even for Sue, Kurt honestly couldn't make any sense of it.
What he did know was they both didn't need anyone to see how vulnerable they were with each other, how intimate and personal. ]
I didn't even know we had sext this much. [He sighs in both defeat and frustration, hands ripping frantically at bright paper, wrinkling them by his sides.] If the wrong person happens to see any of these both our teams can be in serious jeopardy and I don't even want to get started on our reputation status. [Both boys would be in a word, ruined.]
My dad would have another heart attack if any of this got back to him. [He rips another layer from the wall with trembling hands.
Thank you so much, Sue!]
This whole display has the potential of becoming extremely damaging if the wrong person happens to lay eyes upon it. ]
I don't know, Blaine! [His voice bounces off the paper covered walls in a fit of anger. Kurt hadn't meant to yell or snap at the younger boy but this whole situation was well past ridiculous. Who in their right mind goes the extra mile to not only obtain but post someone's sexual life on full display in a high school? This was pretty damn low even for Sue, Kurt honestly couldn't make any sense of it.
What he did know was they both didn't need anyone to see how vulnerable they were with each other, how intimate and personal. ]
I didn't even know we had sext this much. [He sighs in both defeat and frustration, hands ripping frantically at bright paper, wrinkling them by his sides.] If the wrong person happens to see any of these both our teams can be in serious jeopardy and I don't even want to get started on our reputation status. [Both boys would be in a word, ruined.]
My dad would have another heart attack if any of this got back to him. [He rips another layer from the wall with trembling hands.
Thank you so much, Sue!]
[It's honestly damaging enough as it is with only the two of them as witnesses. But dragging anyone else into it? Christ, how humiliating would that turn out to be.
Blaine's seen his ex's anger enough, especially during the last few months of their engagement, but that doesn't stop the way his chest goes tight at the fury in Kurt's voice, the immediate, visceral reminder of just how badly their relationship had crashed and burned. Even now, months separated and after the fact, it still sets Blaine on edge, like he's afraid of getting in trouble with the man all over again, like any wrong word will turn this upset at Sue onto him instead.
...Which is just dumb, of course it is. Kurt and him aren't together, are barely even speaking, almost completely out of each other's lives. Blaine is in a relationship with an entirely other man. Why should he be so affected by Kurt Hummel now? There's been more than enough hurt between them, what else could they possibly do to one another?
Blaine shakes the worry that's settled heavy into his chest away, trying to ignore how the emotion in Kurt's voice tugs at his heart, setting to work ripping down more and more awful reminder of their past. He does his best to not even read them, to crumble up every paper the second it's in his hands, but there's no missing the occasional emoji or affectionate word or pet name. It's just so much.]
God. I think I'd have a heart attack if your dad ever saw any of these.
[Blaine crumbles up another handful, dropping them into the trash, quiet for just a beat.]
He won't see it, Kurt. Sue's literally insane, but she'd never put your dad's health at risk like that. She just wants to torture us for whatever reason.
Blaine's seen his ex's anger enough, especially during the last few months of their engagement, but that doesn't stop the way his chest goes tight at the fury in Kurt's voice, the immediate, visceral reminder of just how badly their relationship had crashed and burned. Even now, months separated and after the fact, it still sets Blaine on edge, like he's afraid of getting in trouble with the man all over again, like any wrong word will turn this upset at Sue onto him instead.
...Which is just dumb, of course it is. Kurt and him aren't together, are barely even speaking, almost completely out of each other's lives. Blaine is in a relationship with an entirely other man. Why should he be so affected by Kurt Hummel now? There's been more than enough hurt between them, what else could they possibly do to one another?
Blaine shakes the worry that's settled heavy into his chest away, trying to ignore how the emotion in Kurt's voice tugs at his heart, setting to work ripping down more and more awful reminder of their past. He does his best to not even read them, to crumble up every paper the second it's in his hands, but there's no missing the occasional emoji or affectionate word or pet name. It's just so much.]
God. I think I'd have a heart attack if your dad ever saw any of these.
[Blaine crumbles up another handful, dropping them into the trash, quiet for just a beat.]
He won't see it, Kurt. Sue's literally insane, but she'd never put your dad's health at risk like that. She just wants to torture us for whatever reason.
[Hence the very reason as to why no one else could stumble upon this whole embarrassing situation. Both boys had kept the sexual part of their relationship private, their intimacy wasn't a subject to be mocked or discussed infront of their straight friends. Sex between the two boys was an act Kurt had taken very seriously, something special that only he and Blaine held. Sue had now exposed something that meant a great deal to Kurt and plastered it upon sticky walls as though it was meant to be viewed as disgusting and shameful.
Blaine has witnessed the worst and ugliest sides of Kurt, during the last months of their relationship Kurt had became completely unhindged. There was not a day that passed they didn't argue over the most stupidest things, sex felt forced and towards the end intimacy had died completely. Kurt knew another terrible break-up was well under way, so he decided it would be best to accept their fate before they actually destroyed each other.
Months of purposely hurting each as a tool for needed affection was not only toxic but unhealthy. Not to mention how horribly damaging it was to the other.
Kurt has been struggling not to glance or allow himself to read the bold letters that spell out a cherished time in his life, one that was playful, teasing and full of young love. Blaine had not despised him then or viewed him as this awful human being that apparently led him right into the arms of Dave Karofsky. Kurt couldn't recall if they both absent mindly kept score of who hurt the other most, if so Blaine won in a land slide. What more could the younger boy possibly do to tear Kurt down to his knees?
He's silent for a good moment, hands continuing to rip at paper before shoving the remains forcefully into the trash. Kurt has never felt more exposed, humiliated and vulnerable. ]
Really? [The question spills from his lips sharp and tangled with worry.] Because I didn't think she could be this cruel either but here we are. [Another wave of both hands, vibrant pages held tightly to his chest as he shakes his head in disbelief. ]
Even if our friends were to see any of this or better, people who never liked us in the first place or those who don't accept same sex couples.
[Kurt has faced those kind of people before, he's been verbally abused and physically attacked due to his sexuality. The assault happening in the very city so many had thought he would be safe and accepted. If that could happen in New York, worse could happen in a smaller town.
He stops suddenly, body going stiff as muscles grow tense.]
A perfect reminder as to why I wanted to get the hell out of this town as soon as I were able but yet I was stupid enough to come running right back.
Blaine has witnessed the worst and ugliest sides of Kurt, during the last months of their relationship Kurt had became completely unhindged. There was not a day that passed they didn't argue over the most stupidest things, sex felt forced and towards the end intimacy had died completely. Kurt knew another terrible break-up was well under way, so he decided it would be best to accept their fate before they actually destroyed each other.
Months of purposely hurting each as a tool for needed affection was not only toxic but unhealthy. Not to mention how horribly damaging it was to the other.
Kurt has been struggling not to glance or allow himself to read the bold letters that spell out a cherished time in his life, one that was playful, teasing and full of young love. Blaine had not despised him then or viewed him as this awful human being that apparently led him right into the arms of Dave Karofsky. Kurt couldn't recall if they both absent mindly kept score of who hurt the other most, if so Blaine won in a land slide. What more could the younger boy possibly do to tear Kurt down to his knees?
He's silent for a good moment, hands continuing to rip at paper before shoving the remains forcefully into the trash. Kurt has never felt more exposed, humiliated and vulnerable. ]
Really? [The question spills from his lips sharp and tangled with worry.] Because I didn't think she could be this cruel either but here we are. [Another wave of both hands, vibrant pages held tightly to his chest as he shakes his head in disbelief. ]
Even if our friends were to see any of this or better, people who never liked us in the first place or those who don't accept same sex couples.
[Kurt has faced those kind of people before, he's been verbally abused and physically attacked due to his sexuality. The assault happening in the very city so many had thought he would be safe and accepted. If that could happen in New York, worse could happen in a smaller town.
He stops suddenly, body going stiff as muscles grow tense.]
A perfect reminder as to why I wanted to get the hell out of this town as soon as I were able but yet I was stupid enough to come running right back.
[Keeping score of their hurt would be pretty childish at this point, but Blaine wouldn't be above politely reminding Kurt just why they broke up in the first place. He hadn't wanted to end their engagement at all, he'd wanted to keep trying, keep looking for help to fix whatever was broken with them. Blaine seeking out a new relationship after being publicly broken up with was never meant to be a slight on Kurt. He's just trying to find his happiness again, even if he's quickly realizing that Dave isn't that for him, no matter how kind and attentive he is.
But dating Dave was never meant to intentionally hurt his ex, even with how furious and hurt Blaine had been when he'd come back to Ohio. It just happened. And now it's basically over.
Kurt isn't wrong to be so upset or to be so untrusting when it comes to Sue, but it still pains Blaine to see the other boy like this. For how explosive their break up had become, he'd always hoped Kurt would be happier after, that the way their relationship had ended wouldn't define his whole life. But he's so furious, his hands shaking and his broad shoulders trembling and his beautiful face screwed up in his anger. What happened to them?]
You're right. [Where Kurt's anger is building and building, Blaine feels sick and anxious.] This is - This is beyond cruel. I don't know why she'd do this to us, what we ever did to even deserve this... But it's a reflection on her and her only. We're the victims here, Kurt. I don't - God, of course I don't want anyone to see this. It's our memories, not theirs. But even if they did, we didn't do anything wrong.
[It won't necessarily stop the judgement - they are two queer kids from Ohio - but maybe they can use the fact they were wronged to build up their walls instead of tearing them down. Kurt knows how to protect himself.]
We were two kids in love. Anyone trying to turn that into something wrong are the sick ones.
[Despite everything, Blaine just wants to help. To clean up the choir room and help ease some of the hurt in Kurt's voice, but the other boy goes stiff and there's just no denying his words hit a little too hard. Because Blaine knows Kurt came back for him, to make amends, to 'win back his heart'. But apparently Blaine wasn't worth it.
No surprise there. What has he ever been worth anyway?]
Coming back for me was stupid?
But dating Dave was never meant to intentionally hurt his ex, even with how furious and hurt Blaine had been when he'd come back to Ohio. It just happened. And now it's basically over.
Kurt isn't wrong to be so upset or to be so untrusting when it comes to Sue, but it still pains Blaine to see the other boy like this. For how explosive their break up had become, he'd always hoped Kurt would be happier after, that the way their relationship had ended wouldn't define his whole life. But he's so furious, his hands shaking and his broad shoulders trembling and his beautiful face screwed up in his anger. What happened to them?]
You're right. [Where Kurt's anger is building and building, Blaine feels sick and anxious.] This is - This is beyond cruel. I don't know why she'd do this to us, what we ever did to even deserve this... But it's a reflection on her and her only. We're the victims here, Kurt. I don't - God, of course I don't want anyone to see this. It's our memories, not theirs. But even if they did, we didn't do anything wrong.
[It won't necessarily stop the judgement - they are two queer kids from Ohio - but maybe they can use the fact they were wronged to build up their walls instead of tearing them down. Kurt knows how to protect himself.]
We were two kids in love. Anyone trying to turn that into something wrong are the sick ones.
[Despite everything, Blaine just wants to help. To clean up the choir room and help ease some of the hurt in Kurt's voice, but the other boy goes stiff and there's just no denying his words hit a little too hard. Because Blaine knows Kurt came back for him, to make amends, to 'win back his heart'. But apparently Blaine wasn't worth it.
No surprise there. What has he ever been worth anyway?]
Coming back for me was stupid?
[Honestly the repeating hurt between the two almost became a little to normal, poisoning what used to be a happy, loving relationship. What other options were available for Kurt to try? They had both spent months trying to repair the cracks in their fragile relationship but it got to the point that nothing was being resolved, only more fighting and pain. It wasn't fair for either of them to go bed angry, upset and confused, only to wake up with those feelings still deeply intacted. That wasn't a healthy engagement, it was a personal hell the two had created together.
Kurt had to let go before so much hate built up within them both.
He's accepted that this time around is fully on him, he's learned to embrace the cruel reality that this is his fault and he was the very person that ruined all of Blaine's precious dreams. His ex moved back to their crappy hometown for Christ sakes, all due to a poor choice Kurt had made. One that didn't seem so wrong at the time, he had thought he was saving them both but instead he shot them out of the sky. He didn't even know what had hurt the most, their final break-up or the fact that Blaine was now dating the last person Kurt would ever expect.
It had been a dagger to the remains of his heart, intentional or not. But Blaine deserves happiness and if he's found it in Dave what more could Kurt do?
What did happen to them? Moving far from Lima was supposed to be the beginning of the life they deserved, not more heartache and failure. Everyone seemed to be so sad, lost and at worse struggling with their dreams, accomplishments. Kurt had been left all alone in New York, do you know how painful that feels? How you start assuming that you were the problem all along. Kurt didn't know what happiness felt like anymore. ]
I'm tired of being the victim. [Not only was this prank cruel but it was a harsh reminder of what Kurt had taken for granted, what he had pushed a way because in the end it had all became too much. He thought he had done the mature thing, breaking an engagement that had the potential of going sour well before the honeymoon. Marriage wasn't supposed to be a full time struggle and their relationship had been doing just that for awhile.
He wish he could find some sort of comfort in Blaine's words but it aches to open up that bit of himself anymore, especially here.
Why does it never fail that Blaine has to come at him with those kind of questions? Where he twists Kurt's words or assumes something very different? Kurt finds himself stopping mid shreading, eyes falling upon his now ex-boyfriend slightly offended. It takes all his has to hold his composure, to fight back hot tears that desperately want to spill down his face but he won't allow it, Blaine had enough of his tears.
Yet that broken, hurt filled look upon the younger boy's handsome caused Kurt to glance away before built up walls began to tremble.]
No....[It's a hushed, broken whisper and Kurt leaves the answer at that. He can't say anymore, he would shatter completely if he did. They had always came back for each other and not once had it been foolish. He grips wrinkled papers tightly against his chest before moving past Blaine and focusing on another wall, one that leaves a great deal of space between them.
Only this wall is different and it has Kurt stopping within his tracks suddenly, a hand reaching out to gently tear the paper free. This message doesn't focus on the aspects of their sex life but instead its a message filled with love and an "I love you." As he glances up with misty eyes, he takes notice that this particular wall scatters with nothing but messages that whisper those three simple words. ]
Kurt had to let go before so much hate built up within them both.
He's accepted that this time around is fully on him, he's learned to embrace the cruel reality that this is his fault and he was the very person that ruined all of Blaine's precious dreams. His ex moved back to their crappy hometown for Christ sakes, all due to a poor choice Kurt had made. One that didn't seem so wrong at the time, he had thought he was saving them both but instead he shot them out of the sky. He didn't even know what had hurt the most, their final break-up or the fact that Blaine was now dating the last person Kurt would ever expect.
It had been a dagger to the remains of his heart, intentional or not. But Blaine deserves happiness and if he's found it in Dave what more could Kurt do?
What did happen to them? Moving far from Lima was supposed to be the beginning of the life they deserved, not more heartache and failure. Everyone seemed to be so sad, lost and at worse struggling with their dreams, accomplishments. Kurt had been left all alone in New York, do you know how painful that feels? How you start assuming that you were the problem all along. Kurt didn't know what happiness felt like anymore. ]
I'm tired of being the victim. [Not only was this prank cruel but it was a harsh reminder of what Kurt had taken for granted, what he had pushed a way because in the end it had all became too much. He thought he had done the mature thing, breaking an engagement that had the potential of going sour well before the honeymoon. Marriage wasn't supposed to be a full time struggle and their relationship had been doing just that for awhile.
He wish he could find some sort of comfort in Blaine's words but it aches to open up that bit of himself anymore, especially here.
Why does it never fail that Blaine has to come at him with those kind of questions? Where he twists Kurt's words or assumes something very different? Kurt finds himself stopping mid shreading, eyes falling upon his now ex-boyfriend slightly offended. It takes all his has to hold his composure, to fight back hot tears that desperately want to spill down his face but he won't allow it, Blaine had enough of his tears.
Yet that broken, hurt filled look upon the younger boy's handsome caused Kurt to glance away before built up walls began to tremble.]
No....[It's a hushed, broken whisper and Kurt leaves the answer at that. He can't say anymore, he would shatter completely if he did. They had always came back for each other and not once had it been foolish. He grips wrinkled papers tightly against his chest before moving past Blaine and focusing on another wall, one that leaves a great deal of space between them.
Only this wall is different and it has Kurt stopping within his tracks suddenly, a hand reaching out to gently tear the paper free. This message doesn't focus on the aspects of their sex life but instead its a message filled with love and an "I love you." As he glances up with misty eyes, he takes notice that this particular wall scatters with nothing but messages that whisper those three simple words. ]
[It may be the smallest of answers, but it's really the only thing that Kurt needs to say. Blaine still looks a little wide-eyed with hurt - though mostly it's the sting from Sue's betrayal like this, that she'd ever want to hurt the two of them this deeply, these two gay kids who have already dealt with bullying and hate their whole lives - but there's no missing the soft relief against his face at Kurt saying no.
Maybe after all of the fighting in New York, the explosion of Kurt saying he didn't want to marry Blaine after all, the younger boy expected his ex to double down and lash out at the only person available in his hurt. To clench his fists and fight back, just like he always has, like the world forced him to, so at least there's a softening of tension between them when Kurt doesn't erupt in anger at the question or try to turn the blame on his ex.
Not for the first time, Blaine is eternally grateful for Kurt's honesty. It's always been his most admirable trait.
There's still so much to clean up, hundreds of printed out texts along the walls, an overflowing trash bin that needs to be burned so nothing gets left behind, but it doesn't escape Blaine's notice that Kurt is seconds away from losing his composure. It doesn't matter if Kurt broke his heart and they haven't spoken for months or that Blaine promised he'd never forgive him, Kurt doesn't deserve any of the pain he's been thrown into since coming back to Ohio.]
Kurt... [It's a miracle that a soft, affectionate pet name doesn't follow, it would be so easy to slip right back into them without even speaking.] Do you want to get some air? I can finish cleaning this up, I promise I won't leave anything behind. Then I can drop you off at home, if you like?
[Kurt driving in this condition scares him a little and he somehow doubts his ex would want to call anyone else after all of this either.]
We can figure out what we want to do tomorrow, whether that's going to the school board or the police or keeping it to ourselves... I don't know. We could probably use a night to think first. But I can finish up in here, if you need some space.
[Blaine abandons the wall he's been stripping to come stand behind Kurt, a gentle hand falling on the other boy's shoulder.]
Please, if it's what you need, I don't mind. [Even out of sight behind the taller boy, there's no missing the moment that Blaine would see just what Kurt's been looking at, the sharp breath he sucks in, the soft oh falling from his mouth. Sue is a monster.]
Maybe after all of the fighting in New York, the explosion of Kurt saying he didn't want to marry Blaine after all, the younger boy expected his ex to double down and lash out at the only person available in his hurt. To clench his fists and fight back, just like he always has, like the world forced him to, so at least there's a softening of tension between them when Kurt doesn't erupt in anger at the question or try to turn the blame on his ex.
Not for the first time, Blaine is eternally grateful for Kurt's honesty. It's always been his most admirable trait.
There's still so much to clean up, hundreds of printed out texts along the walls, an overflowing trash bin that needs to be burned so nothing gets left behind, but it doesn't escape Blaine's notice that Kurt is seconds away from losing his composure. It doesn't matter if Kurt broke his heart and they haven't spoken for months or that Blaine promised he'd never forgive him, Kurt doesn't deserve any of the pain he's been thrown into since coming back to Ohio.]
Kurt... [It's a miracle that a soft, affectionate pet name doesn't follow, it would be so easy to slip right back into them without even speaking.] Do you want to get some air? I can finish cleaning this up, I promise I won't leave anything behind. Then I can drop you off at home, if you like?
[Kurt driving in this condition scares him a little and he somehow doubts his ex would want to call anyone else after all of this either.]
We can figure out what we want to do tomorrow, whether that's going to the school board or the police or keeping it to ourselves... I don't know. We could probably use a night to think first. But I can finish up in here, if you need some space.
[Blaine abandons the wall he's been stripping to come stand behind Kurt, a gentle hand falling on the other boy's shoulder.]
Please, if it's what you need, I don't mind. [Even out of sight behind the taller boy, there's no missing the moment that Blaine would see just what Kurt's been looking at, the sharp breath he sucks in, the soft oh falling from his mouth. Sue is a monster.]
[Kurt wasn't going to lie to his ex, although lying would have been so much easier. It would have been simpler to just mutter yes and witness Blaine crumble into a million pieces, perhaps that would have him leave the room in fits of pain so that Kurt could deal with all of this alone. He would have preferred it that way but Sue wasn't having that. As hurtful as this prank was, maybe there was a lesson to take from it all? Kurt didn't want to accept that she was this level of wicked. Why did she have to pull the two of them into her foul games? Had they not dealt with enough in this town?
What was there to accuse Blaine of? He had done nothing wrong in this scenario, just as he hardly ever did in their arguments. Besides what did lashing out at his ex-boyfriend ever accomplish when they were actually a couple? Nothing, both boys would instantly shut down after placing all shields up. At attempt to erase harsh words said and the pain that soon followed. Even a thousand sorrys had not been enough. Blaine could have easily lied to him about David if he wished, seeked his revenge by stringing Kurt along only to crush him when he felt the time right.
Instead Blaine had provided nothing but honesty. He didn't have too and Kurt knew damn well he didn't deserve it. Blaine might not think Kurt deserves all this pain but he does, if not more.
The choir room is a disaster, one that looks like a random tornado slaughtered a rainbow before throwing up. It would take longer than an hour to free all the walls and Kurt still needed to think of a way to dispose of the mess without leaving any evidence behind. It's difficult to focus when his mind is trying to catch up with what is actually occurring all while so much agony nips sharp at every muscle of his body. Why does heartache have to hurt this much? No wonder people actually die from it.
The gentle calling of Blaine's voice sounds so faint, Kurt's attention is locked and had surrendered to the mass number of pages stuck to the wall, dancing with tender and heart felt messages. Ghosts of the past and of a future that could have been, they were both so happy once.
So deeply and madly in love.
Within seconds of being touched, Kurt's body automatically reacts by going tense, freezing in place. After a long pause he's able to shake his head to any and all offers. He doesn't need Blaine's helping hand, it would only complicate matters. They both don't need more of that.]
I'm fine....[He isn't but they both have gotten so accustomed to playing pretend. He isn't going to allow himself to break here, despite the fact that he's already blinked back a few tears. He carefully crumbles the new piece of paper within his hand, having read the loving text one time too many. Tender, sweet words still echoed within his thoughts.
He reaches up to yank down another, catching a glance that it says something along the lines of "forever" and "soul mates."]
I can finish up here on my own, shouldn't take to long. You can go.
What was there to accuse Blaine of? He had done nothing wrong in this scenario, just as he hardly ever did in their arguments. Besides what did lashing out at his ex-boyfriend ever accomplish when they were actually a couple? Nothing, both boys would instantly shut down after placing all shields up. At attempt to erase harsh words said and the pain that soon followed. Even a thousand sorrys had not been enough. Blaine could have easily lied to him about David if he wished, seeked his revenge by stringing Kurt along only to crush him when he felt the time right.
Instead Blaine had provided nothing but honesty. He didn't have too and Kurt knew damn well he didn't deserve it. Blaine might not think Kurt deserves all this pain but he does, if not more.
The choir room is a disaster, one that looks like a random tornado slaughtered a rainbow before throwing up. It would take longer than an hour to free all the walls and Kurt still needed to think of a way to dispose of the mess without leaving any evidence behind. It's difficult to focus when his mind is trying to catch up with what is actually occurring all while so much agony nips sharp at every muscle of his body. Why does heartache have to hurt this much? No wonder people actually die from it.
The gentle calling of Blaine's voice sounds so faint, Kurt's attention is locked and had surrendered to the mass number of pages stuck to the wall, dancing with tender and heart felt messages. Ghosts of the past and of a future that could have been, they were both so happy once.
So deeply and madly in love.
Within seconds of being touched, Kurt's body automatically reacts by going tense, freezing in place. After a long pause he's able to shake his head to any and all offers. He doesn't need Blaine's helping hand, it would only complicate matters. They both don't need more of that.]
I'm fine....[He isn't but they both have gotten so accustomed to playing pretend. He isn't going to allow himself to break here, despite the fact that he's already blinked back a few tears. He carefully crumbles the new piece of paper within his hand, having read the loving text one time too many. Tender, sweet words still echoed within his thoughts.
He reaches up to yank down another, catching a glance that it says something along the lines of "forever" and "soul mates."]
I can finish up here on my own, shouldn't take to long. You can go.
[Let's be honest here, Kurt. Nothing in this moment could ever be at all fine.
It's the answer Blaine expected from his ex, but that doesn't mean he's just going to take it. Leaving Kurt alone to handle this mess, even if it's neither of their faults, it certainly doesn't feel right.]
Well, I'm not going to leave you to clean all of this up on your own.
[The gentle pressure on Kurt's shoulder disappears, Blaine sweeping forward to start plucking page after page off of the wall. If Kurt doesn't want to take his offer to duck out for a bit, then they can just work together to make the mess disappear even faster. No problem with that, right? Sure, it's more awkward between them than they've ever known before, but that has to partially be due to the fact they've gone so long without talking.
Before they ever even dated, they were friends, weren't they? Best friends, Blaine always felt. Maybe they can get back to that point without it always being so painful.]
How is your dad doing? And Carole? [Casual conversation, just something to focus on while they clean, so they don't have to stare too hard at all of the past affection between them. Though it doesn't stop the slight pang in his chest at the sight of their past selves calling each other fiancé.] I know Lima is the last place you want to be right now, but I bet they're thrilled to get the time with you. It's at least a little nice to see them, I hope.
It's the answer Blaine expected from his ex, but that doesn't mean he's just going to take it. Leaving Kurt alone to handle this mess, even if it's neither of their faults, it certainly doesn't feel right.]
Well, I'm not going to leave you to clean all of this up on your own.
[The gentle pressure on Kurt's shoulder disappears, Blaine sweeping forward to start plucking page after page off of the wall. If Kurt doesn't want to take his offer to duck out for a bit, then they can just work together to make the mess disappear even faster. No problem with that, right? Sure, it's more awkward between them than they've ever known before, but that has to partially be due to the fact they've gone so long without talking.
Before they ever even dated, they were friends, weren't they? Best friends, Blaine always felt. Maybe they can get back to that point without it always being so painful.]
How is your dad doing? And Carole? [Casual conversation, just something to focus on while they clean, so they don't have to stare too hard at all of the past affection between them. Though it doesn't stop the slight pang in his chest at the sight of their past selves calling each other fiancé.] I know Lima is the last place you want to be right now, but I bet they're thrilled to get the time with you. It's at least a little nice to see them, I hope.
[We're playing pretend here, Blaine!
And that's the exact response Kurt had prepared himself for. Blaine had never been the type to bail on someone who needed his help, even when they technically didn't need it Blaine still offered. A trait Kurt had always admired, Blaine's kindness and willingness. ]
Seen that coming.
[He knew Blaine well enough to know that the younger boy was stubborn and he wasn't going anywhere until this mess was cleaned and disposed of. Kurt was just going to have to accept his fate and push through the remainder of this torture. It's a challenge to not sneak secret glances at his ex or breath in that musk like scent, Blaine had changed his cologne. Something so common but yet so noticeable to Kurt.
He would rather do this in silence, conversations could turn painful and left opportunities for wounds that should be healed the possibility of being ripped back open. They haven't spoken to each other in what felt like a decade, who was to say they even could any more? And still Kurt gives a small shrug of his shoulders at the question.]
Both are fine. [That has literally been the only good news Kurt had received during his time back. ]Dad is freaking out that I'm alone in the city now but I keep assuring him that I'm fine. Literally for a month he made me do video calls of locking up the loft every night. [He can't help but smile a little at the old memory of how his father had been so worried and concerned for not only Kurt's safety but his well being as a whole.
Burt knew all to well that Kurt dealt with break-ups with Blaine pretty severely and feared his son could spiral into a deep depression while on his own.]
I'm finally down to only needing to call him twice a day to check in.
And that's the exact response Kurt had prepared himself for. Blaine had never been the type to bail on someone who needed his help, even when they technically didn't need it Blaine still offered. A trait Kurt had always admired, Blaine's kindness and willingness. ]
Seen that coming.
[He knew Blaine well enough to know that the younger boy was stubborn and he wasn't going anywhere until this mess was cleaned and disposed of. Kurt was just going to have to accept his fate and push through the remainder of this torture. It's a challenge to not sneak secret glances at his ex or breath in that musk like scent, Blaine had changed his cologne. Something so common but yet so noticeable to Kurt.
He would rather do this in silence, conversations could turn painful and left opportunities for wounds that should be healed the possibility of being ripped back open. They haven't spoken to each other in what felt like a decade, who was to say they even could any more? And still Kurt gives a small shrug of his shoulders at the question.]
Both are fine. [That has literally been the only good news Kurt had received during his time back. ]Dad is freaking out that I'm alone in the city now but I keep assuring him that I'm fine. Literally for a month he made me do video calls of locking up the loft every night. [He can't help but smile a little at the old memory of how his father had been so worried and concerned for not only Kurt's safety but his well being as a whole.
Burt knew all to well that Kurt dealt with break-ups with Blaine pretty severely and feared his son could spiral into a deep depression while on his own.]
I'm finally down to only needing to call him twice a day to check in.
[Blaine can't help but roll his eyes a little. Fine this, fine that. So descriptive, Kurt!
Still, it was more than he'd been given in quite some time. And considering how badly this seemed to be going, there could be a high possibility this was the last time the two of them were ever alone like this together. Maybe after the semester they'd never even see each other again. So Blaine will begrudgingly take fine, even if the thought of the pair of them being stuck on fake pleasantries stings. From the very first moment they met, they've never had any trouble speaking to each other, it was always the most instant of connections.
Maybe he should just be grateful they're even speaking.
The mention of Burt mothering his son is adorable and familiar as anything, bringing Blaine's own slight smile quirking at the corner of his lips.]
Sounds like progress then.
[Between each sentence is the tear and crumple of paper, trying to go fast, to not give himself the chance to read every old text message back.]
I remember my first few months in New York he was always checking in with me. Just to see how I was managing. It was... [His gaze skims over a printed promise of forever, breath hitching.] I didn't expect it. Your dad's great - not that you need me to tell you that - I just appreciate how kind he was to me. He always made me feel welcome. Like, I was a part of the family, not just some guy his son was dating.
[It would have been so easy to just see Blaine as an extension of Kurt, but Burt's never been like that. He did the same for Rachel with Finn, anyone close to his kids were like family.]
Your dad's always just been so amazing.
Still, it was more than he'd been given in quite some time. And considering how badly this seemed to be going, there could be a high possibility this was the last time the two of them were ever alone like this together. Maybe after the semester they'd never even see each other again. So Blaine will begrudgingly take fine, even if the thought of the pair of them being stuck on fake pleasantries stings. From the very first moment they met, they've never had any trouble speaking to each other, it was always the most instant of connections.
Maybe he should just be grateful they're even speaking.
The mention of Burt mothering his son is adorable and familiar as anything, bringing Blaine's own slight smile quirking at the corner of his lips.]
Sounds like progress then.
[Between each sentence is the tear and crumple of paper, trying to go fast, to not give himself the chance to read every old text message back.]
I remember my first few months in New York he was always checking in with me. Just to see how I was managing. It was... [His gaze skims over a printed promise of forever, breath hitching.] I didn't expect it. Your dad's great - not that you need me to tell you that - I just appreciate how kind he was to me. He always made me feel welcome. Like, I was a part of the family, not just some guy his son was dating.
[It would have been so easy to just see Blaine as an extension of Kurt, but Burt's never been like that. He did the same for Rachel with Finn, anyone close to his kids were like family.]
Your dad's always just been so amazing.
[Don't make him give you one of those famous, sassy Kurt Hummel looks. You're sure to be familiar with those, Blaine.
The thought of never seeing Blaine again has crossed Kurt's mind one too many times. These days he tires his best not focus on that possibility, that Blaine had planted his roots right back where he started and Kurt had made it very clear that he didn't belong in their home town anymore, he never had. But he was here now, he had taken the chance of trying to win Blaine back and failed. The greatest failure he would now have to both accept and live with, just like he would have to accept the other possible chances of running into Blaine again. Hopefully it wouldn't be under these kind of circumstancs, there was also the chance of avoiding the younger boy all together.
But for now the broken bond between them was delicately tugging them closer to each other. At least they were speaking regardless if it would continue.]
It was a little embarrassing but I looked at it from his perspective. We lost Finn, I had already been assaulted once.
[His fingers move along with each word, flicking across paper and giving it a firm yank as he goes. It makes it easier not to catch sight of any words that have the potential of digging up old memories and picking at fresh scars.
The tiny smile upon Kurt's lips becomes just a tad bigger at the kind exchange between his father and his ex. At first it had been a little difficult for Burt to accept that Kurt had stumbled upon the age of being seriously interested in boys, not just sexually. It didn't take Blaine long to grow on him, it was the first time he had seen Kurt happy in a very long time. He had always been supportive to both boys during their relationship, through the good and worst times.]
He won't to make sure you were settling in alright. He knew how busy your own parents usually were. He wanted you to know that you had him if you needed anything. [The soft smile fades from his lips the very second he hears the crack within Blaine's voice. That can only mean one thing, he's stumbled upon an old message that cut a little too deep. ]
Because you weren't just some guy I was dating. [You were supposed to be soulmates but that isn't going accordingly. He reaches over, very carefully pulls the paper from Blaine's hands before he crumbles it up in his own. ]
He has, hasn't he? [Burt has been nothing less and he's proven never to be. ] I hope you know he almost grounded me for a month that night I brought you back to my place after you got drunk at Rachel's.
The thought of never seeing Blaine again has crossed Kurt's mind one too many times. These days he tires his best not focus on that possibility, that Blaine had planted his roots right back where he started and Kurt had made it very clear that he didn't belong in their home town anymore, he never had. But he was here now, he had taken the chance of trying to win Blaine back and failed. The greatest failure he would now have to both accept and live with, just like he would have to accept the other possible chances of running into Blaine again. Hopefully it wouldn't be under these kind of circumstancs, there was also the chance of avoiding the younger boy all together.
But for now the broken bond between them was delicately tugging them closer to each other. At least they were speaking regardless if it would continue.]
It was a little embarrassing but I looked at it from his perspective. We lost Finn, I had already been assaulted once.
[His fingers move along with each word, flicking across paper and giving it a firm yank as he goes. It makes it easier not to catch sight of any words that have the potential of digging up old memories and picking at fresh scars.
The tiny smile upon Kurt's lips becomes just a tad bigger at the kind exchange between his father and his ex. At first it had been a little difficult for Burt to accept that Kurt had stumbled upon the age of being seriously interested in boys, not just sexually. It didn't take Blaine long to grow on him, it was the first time he had seen Kurt happy in a very long time. He had always been supportive to both boys during their relationship, through the good and worst times.]
He won't to make sure you were settling in alright. He knew how busy your own parents usually were. He wanted you to know that you had him if you needed anything. [The soft smile fades from his lips the very second he hears the crack within Blaine's voice. That can only mean one thing, he's stumbled upon an old message that cut a little too deep. ]
Because you weren't just some guy I was dating. [You were supposed to be soulmates but that isn't going accordingly. He reaches over, very carefully pulls the paper from Blaine's hands before he crumbles it up in his own. ]
He has, hasn't he? [Burt has been nothing less and he's proven never to be. ] I hope you know he almost grounded me for a month that night I brought you back to my place after you got drunk at Rachel's.
Edited 2021-03-10 03:07 (UTC)
[Kurt may have wanted silence, but it's slowly getting better, isn't it? Every other word a little less awkward and stilted.]
Yeah, that's true. He just loves you. We can't fault him for being a little over-protective, even if it's from five hundred miles away.
[Blaine would love to have the same attention from his own family, but that just isn't how the Andersons have ever worked. His mom can be a little clingy when she remembers he exists, like now, but generally Blaine can't hold down their attention too long. It's played enough of a negative role in his life already - the desperate need to be seen, to be acknowledged, never quite feeling like he's enough - so maybe it's better to just focus on the positive of having Burt Hummel in his life for a few wonderful years.
- Losing Kurt was going to be the worst heartbreak of his life, but knowing he was losing the other boy's family too was a hit Blaine didn't exactly handle too well.
It's such a small thing, Kurt reaching over to gently tug the paper from his hand and crumple it up himself, but there's no hiding the way Blaine's breath huffs out in silent relief. His face is always so expressive, he's never been good at hiding any of his emotions, so Kurt wouldn't be able to miss the way his eyes go big and warm in thanks.]
What, you think I didn't already know? Your dad already told me. Jokingly... Kinda. [Maybe there was a slight fatherly protective threat in there, but Burt had jokingly hit Blaine in the arm, so the boy always assumed it was a goof.] He said we were lucky we could even go to prom together after that.
Yeah, that's true. He just loves you. We can't fault him for being a little over-protective, even if it's from five hundred miles away.
[Blaine would love to have the same attention from his own family, but that just isn't how the Andersons have ever worked. His mom can be a little clingy when she remembers he exists, like now, but generally Blaine can't hold down their attention too long. It's played enough of a negative role in his life already - the desperate need to be seen, to be acknowledged, never quite feeling like he's enough - so maybe it's better to just focus on the positive of having Burt Hummel in his life for a few wonderful years.
- Losing Kurt was going to be the worst heartbreak of his life, but knowing he was losing the other boy's family too was a hit Blaine didn't exactly handle too well.
It's such a small thing, Kurt reaching over to gently tug the paper from his hand and crumple it up himself, but there's no hiding the way Blaine's breath huffs out in silent relief. His face is always so expressive, he's never been good at hiding any of his emotions, so Kurt wouldn't be able to miss the way his eyes go big and warm in thanks.]
What, you think I didn't already know? Your dad already told me. Jokingly... Kinda. [Maybe there was a slight fatherly protective threat in there, but Burt had jokingly hit Blaine in the arm, so the boy always assumed it was a goof.] He said we were lucky we could even go to prom together after that.
[A little, yes. Their words aren't as tight or seemed forced in order to please the other. Casual conversation still doesn't ease the pain in Kurt's heart. That was going to take a good bit of time.]
I don't, he has every right to be. He didn't want me to leave but he encouraged me anyway.
[It had always bothered Kurt that Blaine's family was hardly ever present in his life that alone supportive. On many occassions Burt had wanted to intrude but it wasn't his place, so instead both he and Carole made it a point to praise and support Blaine with his own talents and dreams. Burt couldn't stand the thought of Blaine's family missing out on the best years of their son's life, not even being aware of how gifted and amazing Blaine was. He was often invited over for family dinners because both adults didn't agree with the fact that he always seemed to be left alone at his home.
Blaine of all people should never experience the feeling of being unwanted, especially by his family.
Kurt knows all about wearing his feelings, his own face never failed to express what he was feeling and thinking. It made it easier to read Blaine's own, they really had learned so much about each other over their time together. Kurt doesn't say anything of it, this wasn't an easy task to face for either one of them. Not when what used to be was posted all around them, taunting them. ]
No he did not. [Kurt groans, eyes bright and colored with shock. He follows up with a slight shake of his head and a roll of his eyes.] I'm surprised he did to.
[There is another moment or two of silence, Kurt has caught another glance at bold letters flashing something about forever and always. He's finally able to glance away, giving a soft clear of his throat. ]
You know if you ever need my dad or Carole for something they will be there for you, right? I would never ask them to take that away from you.
I don't, he has every right to be. He didn't want me to leave but he encouraged me anyway.
[It had always bothered Kurt that Blaine's family was hardly ever present in his life that alone supportive. On many occassions Burt had wanted to intrude but it wasn't his place, so instead both he and Carole made it a point to praise and support Blaine with his own talents and dreams. Burt couldn't stand the thought of Blaine's family missing out on the best years of their son's life, not even being aware of how gifted and amazing Blaine was. He was often invited over for family dinners because both adults didn't agree with the fact that he always seemed to be left alone at his home.
Blaine of all people should never experience the feeling of being unwanted, especially by his family.
Kurt knows all about wearing his feelings, his own face never failed to express what he was feeling and thinking. It made it easier to read Blaine's own, they really had learned so much about each other over their time together. Kurt doesn't say anything of it, this wasn't an easy task to face for either one of them. Not when what used to be was posted all around them, taunting them. ]
No he did not. [Kurt groans, eyes bright and colored with shock. He follows up with a slight shake of his head and a roll of his eyes.] I'm surprised he did to.
[There is another moment or two of silence, Kurt has caught another glance at bold letters flashing something about forever and always. He's finally able to glance away, giving a soft clear of his throat. ]
You know if you ever need my dad or Carole for something they will be there for you, right? I would never ask them to take that away from you.
Of course he didn't want you to leave. [Blaine hadn't either, but Kurt was always meant for more than Lima, Ohio. He didn't deserve to sit around and wait for the rest of the world to be ready.] But watching the way he supported you meant so much to me. I tried to be your number one biggest fan, but that place was always meant for Burt. He loves you so much. I'm just glad you both have each other.
[It's a big undertaking, but at least they're making progress. Whatever comes after this will be even harder, whether that's pushing it out of their brains and moving on or actually looking to take action, but they can figure that out in the coming days. Right now, it's just a mess of memories to tear down and burn.]
O-oh. [That offer is entirely unexpected. And it shows on Blaine's face, the way his bushy brows shoot up, in the way his words momentarily fail him.] That's, um, that's really sweet of you to say, Kurt, but you don't - I mean, that's too awkward right now, don't you think? That feels unfair to you. I wouldn't want to step over any lines, you know?
[Being in town means that of course he sees Carole and Burt around town, but a careful conversation here and there isn't the same thing as the relationship they'd been built over the last few years. They'd been so close to being his in-laws, exactly the type of parental figures he'd always wanted to have. It's sweet of Kurt to say so, but it just doesn't feel right. Not in the wake of their broken engagement. The ties are just too close to Kurt and that's exactly who Blaine's been trying to distance himself from.]
Thanks though. I have my mom and Cooper - [Always accompanied with a roll of his eyes.] And Sam and the Warblers. [and maybe it takes him too long to quickly add on,] And Dave, of course. This isn't exactly where I planned on being, but I'm trying to make it work.
[It's a big undertaking, but at least they're making progress. Whatever comes after this will be even harder, whether that's pushing it out of their brains and moving on or actually looking to take action, but they can figure that out in the coming days. Right now, it's just a mess of memories to tear down and burn.]
O-oh. [That offer is entirely unexpected. And it shows on Blaine's face, the way his bushy brows shoot up, in the way his words momentarily fail him.] That's, um, that's really sweet of you to say, Kurt, but you don't - I mean, that's too awkward right now, don't you think? That feels unfair to you. I wouldn't want to step over any lines, you know?
[Being in town means that of course he sees Carole and Burt around town, but a careful conversation here and there isn't the same thing as the relationship they'd been built over the last few years. They'd been so close to being his in-laws, exactly the type of parental figures he'd always wanted to have. It's sweet of Kurt to say so, but it just doesn't feel right. Not in the wake of their broken engagement. The ties are just too close to Kurt and that's exactly who Blaine's been trying to distance himself from.]
Thanks though. I have my mom and Cooper - [Always accompanied with a roll of his eyes.] And Sam and the Warblers. [and maybe it takes him too long to quickly add on,] And Dave, of course. This isn't exactly where I planned on being, but I'm trying to make it work.
[Kurt could remember how terrified he had been deciding to come forward with his sexuality, he feared that his father would disown him and would suddenly stop loving him because Kurt was gay. Burt had been understanding and made it known that he woulf never for any reason stop loving his son. He stood by Kurt and his dreams, encouraged him to chase them without questions or hesitation. Now he was trying his best to put Kurt back together, mend broken pieces. He had even asked Kurt to move back home for awhile, Kurt made it clear that Lima, Ohio had nothing to offer him anymore.]
Thanks.
[They are making progress aren't they? It took them a little bit to get to the starting point but they were gradually having a normal conversation that didn't involve shouting and tears. Funny how you can take a few steps forward and in a matter of seconds you stumble back even more. That's exactly what's about to happen when Blaine becomes uncomfortable. Maybe that had been a little too forward for Kurt to suggest but in the moment he didn't want Blaine to feel as though he had to distance himself from either his dad or Carole.
The dismissal or awkwardness isn't what causes Kurt to flinch, its the mention of his name that leaves his stomach in knots. He stands locked in place, his body to paralyzed to make any sudden movements as eyes stare back at Blaine with not only the bits of hurt but betrayal. This all still feels like he's taken crazy pills and this is some twisted, cruel dream.
Only it isn't. ]
Right, Forget I said anything. [Remember falling back in progress, Blaine? Well here you are once again and Kurt is back on the move. Only this round he heads towards the overflowing trash bags.]
Thanks.
[They are making progress aren't they? It took them a little bit to get to the starting point but they were gradually having a normal conversation that didn't involve shouting and tears. Funny how you can take a few steps forward and in a matter of seconds you stumble back even more. That's exactly what's about to happen when Blaine becomes uncomfortable. Maybe that had been a little too forward for Kurt to suggest but in the moment he didn't want Blaine to feel as though he had to distance himself from either his dad or Carole.
The dismissal or awkwardness isn't what causes Kurt to flinch, its the mention of his name that leaves his stomach in knots. He stands locked in place, his body to paralyzed to make any sudden movements as eyes stare back at Blaine with not only the bits of hurt but betrayal. This all still feels like he's taken crazy pills and this is some twisted, cruel dream.
Only it isn't. ]
Right, Forget I said anything. [Remember falling back in progress, Blaine? Well here you are once again and Kurt is back on the move. Only this round he heads towards the overflowing trash bags.]
[Oh god.
It feels at least a little okay, better than it's been in months for the two of them, but just like that, Kurt shoots his ex one of those Infamous Kurt Hummel glares and the brief peace between them is immediately shattered.
For a second, Blaine looks paralyzed on the spot, taken back by what he believes is a completely unwarranted reaction, how Kurt glares and stamps around like he's been so terribly wronged. The younger boy can't possibly understand the reason why, though even with that knowledge he'd be put off by that cold shoulder.
It takes him a few seconds to find his tongue again, to push down the swell of hurt around his heart, to keep his voice level and firm, without any of the shakiness he currently feels.]
What's your problem, Kurt? [Considering the circumstances of their break up, Blaine feels like he's been overly kind to Kurt, certainly none of the viciousness they'd seen whenever their other friends have broken up with each other. But here Kurt is, acting like Blaine's presence is such a total bother to him, like he can't stand being in the same room with him.
Does he want Blaine back or doesn't he? It feels like every few minutes he's changing his mind.]
I'm just trying to help and you're - Look, I didn't want to leave this all on you to take care of, because none of this - [His hand gestures around to the choir room's messy walls] -is your fault, but if you want me to leave, just say it.
It feels at least a little okay, better than it's been in months for the two of them, but just like that, Kurt shoots his ex one of those Infamous Kurt Hummel glares and the brief peace between them is immediately shattered.
For a second, Blaine looks paralyzed on the spot, taken back by what he believes is a completely unwarranted reaction, how Kurt glares and stamps around like he's been so terribly wronged. The younger boy can't possibly understand the reason why, though even with that knowledge he'd be put off by that cold shoulder.
It takes him a few seconds to find his tongue again, to push down the swell of hurt around his heart, to keep his voice level and firm, without any of the shakiness he currently feels.]
What's your problem, Kurt? [Considering the circumstances of their break up, Blaine feels like he's been overly kind to Kurt, certainly none of the viciousness they'd seen whenever their other friends have broken up with each other. But here Kurt is, acting like Blaine's presence is such a total bother to him, like he can't stand being in the same room with him.
Does he want Blaine back or doesn't he? It feels like every few minutes he's changing his mind.]
I'm just trying to help and you're - Look, I didn't want to leave this all on you to take care of, because none of this - [His hand gestures around to the choir room's messy walls] -is your fault, but if you want me to leave, just say it.
[Why are you two like this?
Does Kurt really have to explain himself, has it not been clearly odvious as to why he's been so upset? Yes it was he who broke off their engagement, it was he who placed both of them in a long run of pain and he'll gladly admit that he ruined everything between them. Blaine had the right to date again, he could date anyone he wished because he wasn't Kurt's anymore but to date David? DAVID! That's basically the equivalent of him dating Sebastian or even better, Elliott.
Blaine would been feeling the exact same way if not worse. He can't deny that and Kurt would call him out if he even tried.
Then again Kurt deserves all of this, right? He was the one who placed himself in this situation after all. He just needs to accept the fact that Blaine has odviously moved on and he can't keep holding onto something that was no longer there.
This was such a mistake. Dropping everything back in New York so that he could come running right back to Lima, Ohio. He was insane, this was all insane and absurd. And for what ? So that he can go back to New York miserable while Blaine pretends he's actually happy with David?
Alright.
And Blaine wants to know what his problem is? Shots. Fired. Blaine. Anderson. ]
And I'm what? [That tone in Blaine's voice and the way he pushes past the word has Kurt spinning around on his heels. Are they seriously going to fall right back into all the bickering and tearing at each other? Is this what the two have become towards each other?]
And I'm what? [He repeats the question carefully but doesn't coat the tightness.]
Does Kurt really have to explain himself, has it not been clearly odvious as to why he's been so upset? Yes it was he who broke off their engagement, it was he who placed both of them in a long run of pain and he'll gladly admit that he ruined everything between them. Blaine had the right to date again, he could date anyone he wished because he wasn't Kurt's anymore but to date David? DAVID! That's basically the equivalent of him dating Sebastian or even better, Elliott.
Blaine would been feeling the exact same way if not worse. He can't deny that and Kurt would call him out if he even tried.
Then again Kurt deserves all of this, right? He was the one who placed himself in this situation after all. He just needs to accept the fact that Blaine has odviously moved on and he can't keep holding onto something that was no longer there.
This was such a mistake. Dropping everything back in New York so that he could come running right back to Lima, Ohio. He was insane, this was all insane and absurd. And for what ? So that he can go back to New York miserable while Blaine pretends he's actually happy with David?
Alright.
And Blaine wants to know what his problem is? Shots. Fired. Blaine. Anderson. ]
And I'm what? [That tone in Blaine's voice and the way he pushes past the word has Kurt spinning around on his heels. Are they seriously going to fall right back into all the bickering and tearing at each other? Is this what the two have become towards each other?]
And I'm what? [He repeats the question carefully but doesn't coat the tightness.]
[Maybe that's just another difference between them. Even if Blaine was hurt by the choice of Kurt's next boyfriend, though Elliott wouldn't at all invoke that kind of feeling since getting to know him, he wouldn't let it be such a dividing point between the two of them. If he was genuine about wanting to be in Kurt's life again, if he'd made the mistake and was working to fix what he'd broken, he wouldn't weaponize his hurt against Kurt like this.
And to be honest, Sebastian had been the line for Blaine. He wouldn't date the other Warbler, even if they've been able to reconcile their friendship since senior year. He felt that had been too close to hurting his ex. Maybe someone completely unrelated to either of them would be better, but sadly, it's still Lima, Ohio. There are very few out gay men around here as it is, even fewer his own age. And David and Kurt certainly have their history, but they'd resolved their issues. Maybe not come out as friends, but they'd certainly closed the chapter together and moved on from the horror of high school.
Or so Blaine thought. Maybe they weren't as okay as it had seemed, even if David only ever has the nicest things to say about Kurt. It's a messy situation, sure, but it's fair to say that Blaine hadn't exactly been thinking about Kurt's approval when he's been drowning in Scandal's the night he and David reconnected.
Maybe Kurt's right. Everything's just one big mistake.
In any other situation, Kurt may be relieved to see how Blaine doesn't crumble or cry in response. Therapy these last few months has done him well, helped him to better navigate some of his own emotional responses and how poorly his self-worth had fallen. He's still recovering, medicated and learning more about himself, but the fact he can face Kurt like this and not resort to immediate tears and pleading feels like a small victory.
Kurt's tone goes tight and Blaine knows they've fallen back a hundred steps from five minutes ago.]
You're acting like me being here is a problem. I just don't know what you want, Kurt.
[The walls are forgotten, Blaine turning to the other man, voice firm, but not unkind, though there's a certain level of frustration building there. There are moments it feels like Kurt wants to rekindle their friendship and go on from there, but then there are moments like this, where it feels like his ex is just as furious and defensive as he was back in New York. Blaine doesn't know where he stands with him.]
I'm not trying to hurt you or make things weirder than they already are for us. I was just trying to help. But if you want me out of your life, you can just tell me. I don't want to make things worse, but I'm - God, I'm feeling really lost on what to do.
And to be honest, Sebastian had been the line for Blaine. He wouldn't date the other Warbler, even if they've been able to reconcile their friendship since senior year. He felt that had been too close to hurting his ex. Maybe someone completely unrelated to either of them would be better, but sadly, it's still Lima, Ohio. There are very few out gay men around here as it is, even fewer his own age. And David and Kurt certainly have their history, but they'd resolved their issues. Maybe not come out as friends, but they'd certainly closed the chapter together and moved on from the horror of high school.
Or so Blaine thought. Maybe they weren't as okay as it had seemed, even if David only ever has the nicest things to say about Kurt. It's a messy situation, sure, but it's fair to say that Blaine hadn't exactly been thinking about Kurt's approval when he's been drowning in Scandal's the night he and David reconnected.
Maybe Kurt's right. Everything's just one big mistake.
In any other situation, Kurt may be relieved to see how Blaine doesn't crumble or cry in response. Therapy these last few months has done him well, helped him to better navigate some of his own emotional responses and how poorly his self-worth had fallen. He's still recovering, medicated and learning more about himself, but the fact he can face Kurt like this and not resort to immediate tears and pleading feels like a small victory.
Kurt's tone goes tight and Blaine knows they've fallen back a hundred steps from five minutes ago.]
You're acting like me being here is a problem. I just don't know what you want, Kurt.
[The walls are forgotten, Blaine turning to the other man, voice firm, but not unkind, though there's a certain level of frustration building there. There are moments it feels like Kurt wants to rekindle their friendship and go on from there, but then there are moments like this, where it feels like his ex is just as furious and defensive as he was back in New York. Blaine doesn't know where he stands with him.]
I'm not trying to hurt you or make things weirder than they already are for us. I was just trying to help. But if you want me out of your life, you can just tell me. I don't want to make things worse, but I'm - God, I'm feeling really lost on what to do.
[Perhaps Kurt is making to big of a deal out of all of this? In the end David had shown that he was willing to make a change but it took torture from his fellow classmates to push him into that direction. The boy had tried to take his own life well after threatening Kurt's own. Many would smirk and call that karma, Kurt had never been that cruel. He knew what it was like to live each day hating yourself because others viewed you as different. There comes a point in time the pain just becomes so unbearable and you just want to end it.
David got lucky.
And now he had Blaine. Someone who could bathe him in support and affection, accept him for who he was. Kurt had tried to tell himself that it was something David needed to make the ache ease a little less. He and Blaine could heal each other, gross.
Kurt's own therapist had informed him that there wasn't anything wrong with him and that high school relationships are typically doomed once both step into the real world. Kurt had always been well aware of that fact but he had truly thought he was different. He was strong on his own, he always had been but the absence of Blaine felt like a missing part of himself. Even the medication couldn't numb that feeling.
His therapist had given him a few excersise to help cope with all his built up stress. It was mostly to help with the small bursts of anger or overpowering anxiety that had settled in during his time in New York. Very much like the younger boy, Kurt isn't allowing himself to shatter so easily either. Instead his face is near expressionless at the sound of Blaine's voice, that was something he was still trying to work on during his therapy sessions.
Blaine isn't falling apart and Kurt isn't becoming unhindged. This is good right? Still to early to tell.
Maybe they can't repair their broken relationship? It's becoming pretty apparent that they aren't going to be able to remain friends either. Has the finale chapter finally closed between them now? Might need to be a conversation to discuss and move forward. Blaine's comment has left Kurt stiff and for a moment he's a bit lost himself. ]
Do you ever wonder what in the hell made us like this? [The question comes tumbling out of Kurt's mouth before he can stop himself. If you're this far in already, Kurt you might as well continue forward.] Why we suddenly couldn't go a day without screaming at each other? [The genuine curiosity can't go unnoticed wrapped soft within his voice.]
I've had this conversation with myself over a million times. I've asked my dad, my therapist and even Elliott, I still can't find the right answer. [He gives another small shrug of his shoulders, arms moving to wrap tightly around himself. ] It would keep my up at night, haunt me during my classes and at one point it drove me so crazy I actually stopped singing.
[He's getting a little too deep, isn't he?]
I really believed we could fix it.
David got lucky.
And now he had Blaine. Someone who could bathe him in support and affection, accept him for who he was. Kurt had tried to tell himself that it was something David needed to make the ache ease a little less. He and Blaine could heal each other, gross.
Kurt's own therapist had informed him that there wasn't anything wrong with him and that high school relationships are typically doomed once both step into the real world. Kurt had always been well aware of that fact but he had truly thought he was different. He was strong on his own, he always had been but the absence of Blaine felt like a missing part of himself. Even the medication couldn't numb that feeling.
His therapist had given him a few excersise to help cope with all his built up stress. It was mostly to help with the small bursts of anger or overpowering anxiety that had settled in during his time in New York. Very much like the younger boy, Kurt isn't allowing himself to shatter so easily either. Instead his face is near expressionless at the sound of Blaine's voice, that was something he was still trying to work on during his therapy sessions.
Blaine isn't falling apart and Kurt isn't becoming unhindged. This is good right? Still to early to tell.
Maybe they can't repair their broken relationship? It's becoming pretty apparent that they aren't going to be able to remain friends either. Has the finale chapter finally closed between them now? Might need to be a conversation to discuss and move forward. Blaine's comment has left Kurt stiff and for a moment he's a bit lost himself. ]
Do you ever wonder what in the hell made us like this? [The question comes tumbling out of Kurt's mouth before he can stop himself. If you're this far in already, Kurt you might as well continue forward.] Why we suddenly couldn't go a day without screaming at each other? [The genuine curiosity can't go unnoticed wrapped soft within his voice.]
I've had this conversation with myself over a million times. I've asked my dad, my therapist and even Elliott, I still can't find the right answer. [He gives another small shrug of his shoulders, arms moving to wrap tightly around himself. ] It would keep my up at night, haunt me during my classes and at one point it drove me so crazy I actually stopped singing.
[He's getting a little too deep, isn't he?]
I really believed we could fix it.
[Someone in Kurt's life needs to drag him immediately to a new therapist. Whoever he's been going to is absolutely doing the boy a disservice.
Maybe it's a little aggressive and honest in the face of the awkward politeness they've been dancing around, but seeing this from Kurt helps so much more than the static, safe replies they've been wrapped up in. This is real, full of pain so big it's practically tangible between the two of them, but it's real and it isn't pushing Blaine away and that makes all of the difference.]
Do you really think I wouldn't? You were my whole world, Kurt. Of course I agonized over all of that nastiness between us, before and after we broke up. I couldn't understand it then, and then afterwords I just stopped existing. I was so furious with you, so betrayed you wouldn't keep trying for us, that I wasn't worth fighting for...
[Of course Kurt knows some of it. Blaine drowning in undiagnosed depression, losing his fiancé, his home, getting cut from NYADA, shamefully returning to Ohio - it had taken months to finally get to the point where he could tread water again. Without even music for an outlet, he'd just barely been living, holed up in his childhood home alone all over again, struggling to breathe. But then there was therapy and medication and reconnecting with old friends and finding a new drive at Dalton.
Blaine doesn't blame his ex for any of it. Kurt broke their engagement, sure, but Blaine's the only one to blame for how far he fell after.]
- But I understand more of it now than I did. I knew I was struggling, but I didn't realize how badly until after. I was terrified of losing you, of you getting tired of how needy I was. I know I was frustrating you all of the time, but I couldn't fix the way I felt, I couldn't make myself unbroken. Somedays it felt like us fighting was the only connection we had left.
[For how big their blows up could be, it really boiled down quite simply, didn't it?]
Rachel had gone incognito and I never felt like I was anything but another guest in the loft. And there was school and your work at the diner and everyone else moved away and the wedding - I guess it was just the perfect storm of things. It was just hard to see when we were inside of it.
[Blaine ends up leaning against one of the walls while he speaks, just enough of a distance between them for him to focus on his breathing, arms crossing over his middle.
Kurt's last sentence doesn't make sense to Blaine, but he presses his mouth together tight and holds back some of the emotion starting to tighten in his throat. He's made it this far without crying, but therapy or not, Blaine's always been an overly sensitive boy.]
I thought we could too. I really did.
Maybe it's a little aggressive and honest in the face of the awkward politeness they've been dancing around, but seeing this from Kurt helps so much more than the static, safe replies they've been wrapped up in. This is real, full of pain so big it's practically tangible between the two of them, but it's real and it isn't pushing Blaine away and that makes all of the difference.]
Do you really think I wouldn't? You were my whole world, Kurt. Of course I agonized over all of that nastiness between us, before and after we broke up. I couldn't understand it then, and then afterwords I just stopped existing. I was so furious with you, so betrayed you wouldn't keep trying for us, that I wasn't worth fighting for...
[Of course Kurt knows some of it. Blaine drowning in undiagnosed depression, losing his fiancé, his home, getting cut from NYADA, shamefully returning to Ohio - it had taken months to finally get to the point where he could tread water again. Without even music for an outlet, he'd just barely been living, holed up in his childhood home alone all over again, struggling to breathe. But then there was therapy and medication and reconnecting with old friends and finding a new drive at Dalton.
Blaine doesn't blame his ex for any of it. Kurt broke their engagement, sure, but Blaine's the only one to blame for how far he fell after.]
- But I understand more of it now than I did. I knew I was struggling, but I didn't realize how badly until after. I was terrified of losing you, of you getting tired of how needy I was. I know I was frustrating you all of the time, but I couldn't fix the way I felt, I couldn't make myself unbroken. Somedays it felt like us fighting was the only connection we had left.
[For how big their blows up could be, it really boiled down quite simply, didn't it?]
Rachel had gone incognito and I never felt like I was anything but another guest in the loft. And there was school and your work at the diner and everyone else moved away and the wedding - I guess it was just the perfect storm of things. It was just hard to see when we were inside of it.
[Blaine ends up leaning against one of the walls while he speaks, just enough of a distance between them for him to focus on his breathing, arms crossing over his middle.
Kurt's last sentence doesn't make sense to Blaine, but he presses his mouth together tight and holds back some of the emotion starting to tighten in his throat. He's made it this far without crying, but therapy or not, Blaine's always been an overly sensitive boy.]
I thought we could too. I really did.
[Kurt hasn't really been much on attending the therapy sessions but he felt like it was the mature thing to do. After all he did need someone to talk too, guidance to help deal with all pain he felt.
For months the anger between the two just kept escalating and finally it had been Kurt who snapped first. They can't keep dancing around each other like this, faking that they agony between them both has healed and that they can at least build a friendship bond with each other. It wasn't that simple, not when they both still had so much they needed to say and resolve. The finale break-up had happened so unexpectedly, Kurt hadn't actually planned for it but it unfolded regardless. The end had been building up for awhile, it was just a matter of time. ]
And you had every right to be. [He takes in a deep breath, eyes closing while he tries to find the best way to place what he needs to say in words without becoming horribly emotional. All this self-control and he still can't hold back the light waver within his voice.] You were always worth fighting for. [A truth he would never lie or deny.] But one of us had to let go before we totally destroyed each other. I know you didn't want to feel it, I didn't either but it was only a matter of time. I would have never forgiven myself if I did that to you of all people. I didn't want to start hating you and I didn't want you to start hating me.
[Of course Kurt knew, he spent months blaming himself for the unfortant events that piled up on Blaine rapidly. His ex being cut from NYADA and forced back home was what Kurt struggled with the most. Not only had he shattered the younger boy's heart but he helped crush Blaine's dreams. His ex might not fault him but Kurt still clings to that guilt like a broken life line, that one was going to take a good amount of time to come at peace with.
But Blaine had gotten back on his feet. Kurt could find some much needed comfort in that. ]
Me too. And you weren't frustrating me all the time. I was just becoming so overwhelmed with everything I lost my balance. There was so much fighting, not just with us but with literally everyone. It got to the point where I just couldn't breathe.
Kurt does the opposite, deciding to slowly slide down the wall and pull his knees to his chest. Why had their dreams seemed so much happier in high school and where did they take a wrong turn that led them to breaking up not once but now twice? Maybe this whole "soulmate" thing was a huge hoax and both boys had been fooling themselves.]
I'm sorry. [It's such a faint, broken whisper. One that leaves his voice sounding like heartache. He's apologized before but Kurt genually feels he can't say it enough.]
This is better for us. [The words sound so foreign to his ears and a wave of nausea settles within the pit of his stomach as he comes to terms with the ending of their story.]
For months the anger between the two just kept escalating and finally it had been Kurt who snapped first. They can't keep dancing around each other like this, faking that they agony between them both has healed and that they can at least build a friendship bond with each other. It wasn't that simple, not when they both still had so much they needed to say and resolve. The finale break-up had happened so unexpectedly, Kurt hadn't actually planned for it but it unfolded regardless. The end had been building up for awhile, it was just a matter of time. ]
And you had every right to be. [He takes in a deep breath, eyes closing while he tries to find the best way to place what he needs to say in words without becoming horribly emotional. All this self-control and he still can't hold back the light waver within his voice.] You were always worth fighting for. [A truth he would never lie or deny.] But one of us had to let go before we totally destroyed each other. I know you didn't want to feel it, I didn't either but it was only a matter of time. I would have never forgiven myself if I did that to you of all people. I didn't want to start hating you and I didn't want you to start hating me.
[Of course Kurt knew, he spent months blaming himself for the unfortant events that piled up on Blaine rapidly. His ex being cut from NYADA and forced back home was what Kurt struggled with the most. Not only had he shattered the younger boy's heart but he helped crush Blaine's dreams. His ex might not fault him but Kurt still clings to that guilt like a broken life line, that one was going to take a good amount of time to come at peace with.
But Blaine had gotten back on his feet. Kurt could find some much needed comfort in that. ]
Me too. And you weren't frustrating me all the time. I was just becoming so overwhelmed with everything I lost my balance. There was so much fighting, not just with us but with literally everyone. It got to the point where I just couldn't breathe.
Kurt does the opposite, deciding to slowly slide down the wall and pull his knees to his chest. Why had their dreams seemed so much happier in high school and where did they take a wrong turn that led them to breaking up not once but now twice? Maybe this whole "soulmate" thing was a huge hoax and both boys had been fooling themselves.]
I'm sorry. [It's such a faint, broken whisper. One that leaves his voice sounding like heartache. He's apologized before but Kurt genually feels he can't say it enough.]
This is better for us. [The words sound so foreign to his ears and a wave of nausea settles within the pit of his stomach as he comes to terms with the ending of their story.]
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